Networking HQ BLOG with Larry James

Friday, January 11, 2013

How to Network With the Elephant in the Room

Filed under: Attitude,Communication,Etiquette,Networking — Larry James @ 7:30 am

Ivan Misner, Guest Author

Most experienced networkers know that it’s nearly inevitable, especially in established business-networking groups, that you wind up in situations with people whom you simply just… can’t stand to be around.

network-elephant-in-roomDrama or bad blood can occur any time we occupy the same space with other humans. But they’re even more likely where wide varieties of people and personalities interact. Business-networking meetings are included in these situations by their very nature.

Several reasons exist why you might wind up in a business networking situation with someone you’d rather not have to encounter. Here are three of the most common and suggestions for navigating them gracefully.

1. Poor referrals

The main purpose of networking groups is to develop close enough relationships between members to refer business to one another.

Related: A New Definition of Networking

“Networking is using your creative talents to help others achieve their goals as you cultivate a network of people strategically positioned to support you in your goals. . . expecting nothing in return!” ~ Larry James

In nearly every case, this is a win-win for the person getting the referral and for the one who gave it. However, in a small percentage of referrals, something goes wrong.

Then human nature kicks in and makes it even worse: People tend to talk about each other, not to each other. Suppose that Margaret gives Larry a referral and for some reason Larry did not deliver what he promised. What tends to happen is that Margaret then tells her friend Sam what an idiot Larry is, and how bad his service is. . . without ever going to Larry and talking to him to personally discover what went on and discuss how it could be fixed.

At best, this behavior perpetuates the negative feelings. At worst, it exacerbates them.

In the vast majority of these situations, nothing was wrong with the referral. The problem usually is simply a matter of miscommunication.

The bottom line: Things sometimes go wrong, but don’t perpetuate the problem through lack of open, honest communication. If you take a few minutes right after it happens to talk about it in a nonconfrontational way, you’ll avoid making an awkward situation even worse.

2. Personal disagreements

I’ve often said, only half kidding, that networking would be so much easier if people weren’t involved. But since they are, disagreements now and again are inevitable. I’ve often been asked to handle disagreements over the years. My advice is always been the same: Don’t focus on the problem, focus on the solution.

Why? If you only focus on the problem, you become an expert at the problem, but you never come up with a way to fix it.

That doesn’t help anyone — not the people disagreeing, and certainly not the others who have to listen to this drama at every meeting.

If you’re getting drawn into a drama, take aside one adversary and ask: “Just how bad is this situation?” Give them a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the best and 1 being the worst. Usually, the answer is 3-4.

If that’s the case, ask: “Why is it so high?” They will probably look at you as if you’re crazy and say something like, “But it’s low.”

Then ask, “What is good about the other person you are in this disagreement with – to the point that you didn’t give them a 1 or a 2?” Then help the person build on that. Encourage open, honest and direct communication between the two members.

breakup3. Breakups

Networking groups tend to attract like-minded people, so they can often bring people together for more than just business. This can be a blessing, but it can quickly turn into a curse if the relationship ends and the members are still in the same group.

Rules that members cannot date aren’t realistic or recommended. If you find yourself in a breakup with a regular member of your networking group, I argue that given the value of your network, it’s worth working through those feelings.

I’ll put it bluntly: Suck it up, and continue to network. Don’t lose a network of valuable referral sources you have built over a few days or weeks of discomfort.

The more professional you remain through and following the breakup — by not talking badly about the other person, or bringing your personal situation into the business operations of the group, the more highly you will be viewed by the other members. The same goes for business-related breakups, too.

No matter what the details, the fact is that at some point or another almost everyone involved in business networking will face an awkward moment with another networker, so it’s probably going to happen to you.

It’s the end game that you should be working toward, and that is growing your business. Don’t ever burn bridges with people in your group, because you never know, you might end up being friends and valued referral partners.

MisnernetHQCopyright © 2013 – Ivan Misner. Reprinted with permission. Called the father of modern networking, Dr. Ivan Misner is the Founder of BNI and the senior partner for the Referral Institute. He has written nine books, including his New York Times best seller, Truth or Delusion? Busting Networking’s Biggest Myths.

Larry James is a Professional Speaker, Author and Networking Coach. He presents networking seminars nationally and “Networking” coaching by telephone or one-on-one. Something NEW about Networking is posted on this Networking BLOG every 4th day! Visit Larry’s Networking Website at: “Networking HQ!”

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  1. Reblogged this on connectwithgregl and commented:
    Larry has some great info here and I especially love the picture in the Breakup section…priceless!! lol

    Comment by connectwithgreg — Tuesday, January 22, 2013 @ 12:46 pm | Reply

  2. LOL! Info here is good as always and I ab-so-lute-ly luuuuuuuuuuuuuuv your two pictures in this blog! The one with elephant and ESPECIALLY the breakup one. Absolutely PERFECT!

    Comment by connectwithgreg — Tuesday, January 22, 2013 @ 12:45 pm | Reply

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